I have been praying for you

Hello! Friends. 

It's been a while since I wrote last blog in Jan.

Now I am writing this blog in Grant Park which closed with YAV house and one of my favorite places in Atlanta. 

Here's so quite to think past couple months and write my thinking.

 

So... How are you doing? haha I am doing great.

 

I almost get used to live in USA and My English is also get proved than before. 

Yay! 

So I have been enjoying going work and talking with people. 

I remember the time I first went shopping alone without helping. 

I didn' t get "one for one" (I hadn't heard that in korea) 

I asked this to worker and she explained it very friendly 

but I couldn't say " Please Say Again!" And then I asked this to another worker 

but unfortunatly I couldn't understand it again. 

Eventually after asking another worker again, I could understand it! 

How dumm I was!

And I make many friends in Action ministries which I have been volunteering now.

 They are really care of me and like me! Thanks y'all. But every people are not nice.

 I was serving fried chicken last thursday.

 Some lady came to me and asked getting chicken so I said to her if you sit on there I will go please wait just one seconds.

 But She just took it from my hand. I was so angry and tried to say something about her bad attitude. 

But she didn't listend me and then yalled at me "Say in English!!!" OMG. Oh Lord, what is this lady yalling at me? 

I was so sad and shocked. I told this happening to friends and they were also angry and helped me feeling better with good advises.

 Ms.Katherin, my supervisor, ran to her and then said if you don't want to apologize it to Jihye, Never come to again!

 Wow. I am not alone! thanks to Everyone. 

They are really good friends and deal me like their daughter even if we grown up in different countries and cultures. Age and language is not matter to us.

I had financial problem in my school last month. I was so concerned on and felt blue. However, It was solved well and I forgot it for while. But last Monday, My friend Kahreeta asked me how's it going on school problem. 

I said her It was solved well. As soon as said this, Her face became bright and congratuated me. And she said "I have been praying for you! Don't be worried and just pray to God And say to me. I'll always pray for you." How beautiful her mind is. She seems like my Mom. 

Sometimes when I have something worried, I tell her this. And she always gives me warm and sweet tea and listens me. She is going to move on Florida next month. I'm so sad but would like to pray for her like she does for me. 

Because you're important

It's almost five month since I came to America

Absolutely, many thing have been changed if I dare compare with first time I came to here.

First, I can talk with people naturally without fear.

The woman in first picture said she thought I looked very shy

As soon as listen that, I laugh at. Because I am not shy at all.

But I know why she said like that. 

It is true that I looked very shy because I couldn't say anything when I first came 

Before coming to America, I thought It is not big deal to talk with people 

Well.. even if language we use is different. 

However, It is BIG DEAL !

It was not easy to talk with people via language and cultures.

The stress from I can't express my thinking and opinion is still bothering me. 

Sometimes, I feel lonely when friends are talking I don't understand what they're talking and embarrassed about friends laugh at my English mistakes. I know they thought my mistake is cute but I feel sad even I don't know why they are laughing.

But even though sometimes I have troubles and my English is slow and wrong grammar, awkward pronunciation  I really thanks that I can communicate with people. 

I hope and have been praying My English is getting better for talking many things with people.

Second, my taste have been changing!

Before coming to America, I really hate something sweet like drink and cookie, especially put in chocolate!

Still remember my friends' face when I said I do not like chocolate at first week.

It is true that I didn't eat chocolate when I was in Korea

Now? I look for sweet foods every day!

Ohh... My love OREO! Double cream OREO is only one I really want to bring to Korea.

And I will never forget the moment that I first got SMORE at backyard with friends.

I will let my Korean friends smore as soon as going back to Korea.

This is really awesome!

Well.. I hesitate stand in front of mirror but this is my joy!

And most American food is really salty to me. At first week in Atlanta we went to get some pizza. My friends really got the pizza deliciously but I was sick after getting that pizza. Because It is too salty to me. 

So I like homemade food and cooking. 

But one day, I found me who is putting salt in my food.

YES. I become lover salt as well as sugar...

Third, I used to spend time for releasing my stress at last couple month.

It was not easy to start live in different country depart from my family and friends.

Most of all, That there's no any of Koreans made me hard.

I spent time for watching Korean show and movies, calling with friends.

At first week in Atlanta, I truly needed the time only for me. I expected it but It was not easy to admit suddenly changed circumstance. 

So I closed the door and as possible as trying to far way from 'English'

whenever I got break time, how it was so sweet.

But now, the hard time is gone. look around people how they live.

Last couple month, I prayed for overcoming this situation but now make the prayer list and pray for other people. 

And It is unfamiliar to meet stranger and talk with them to me. So I didn't like party and meeting. Probably the big reason is English.

now, I want to meet new people and talk to many things. 

I didn't know but now I can know the joy talking with new people.

I have still trouble to live here and maybe it will make me hard till going back to Korea.
But I am so happy because I have great friends and people.
I so thanks to Ms. Katherin who in charge Action ministries.
Some homeless woman was rude to me and I felt so sad couple days ago.
Katherin saw me and said "Don't be sad no matter what they say to you. We need you because you're important to us."

After school program

Zariah gave me these pictures. 

when she asked how write my name, I felt so happy!

Khleela & Z'ariah

'My grandma's name is Hello kitty!'

'Ohh Jihye, Your English sounds like Spanish!'

'Look at her, she is cute (giggle giggle)'

 All those things is that kids surround me and said to me. 

They seem be interested in me when seeing me. 

Probably that reason might be there're only black american kids and most volunteer is black, too.

They like touching my hair and skin. 

At first time, I was embarrassed about their response but now, whenever they try to touch my hair, I bow to them for they can touch me easily.

If someone ask what is most hardest part of volunteering in after school program, I would not hesitate to say 'Reading Book'!

Even if I have learned English for couple years, It is still difficult to read book for kids.

Because some words are unfamiliar and my accent is also big trouble. 

when Zariah said to me my English sounds like Spanish, I so laughed a lot and felt sad.

Sometimes, they do not focus on listening, I am sorry to them. The reason would be my English.

When people ask what I am doing in here, I usually say I help teaching kids. 

However actually, I have been learning many things from them.

If I say some word differently, they let me know what is right pronunciation.

 sometimes when I read fairy tale book, there's always the word I don't know that meaning.

At first, I was so embarrassed about new word but now I ask to kids.

"what is this meaning of words?"

Everyone like teaching something, kids they also too.

They try to letting me understand that meaning, using body language or drawing picture.

This is killing two birds with one stone!

Now, I can recognize they're taller than time we first me.

They are so lovely and sometimes make me surprised at amazing imagination.

It is still hard to make them focus on homework but It's God's blessing that I can meet and communicate with them.

I am pretty girl

Everyone desire to look be 'nice & pretty'

I tried to conceal my acne skin using cosmetic and lose weight for looking 'GOOD'

I was scared to show my no make-up face people so I didn't go out without make-up

I used to wear nicely clothes and be concerned of what I am going to wear tomorrow.

I thought this s natural thing because most girls in Korea do same things like me. 

It's really different with American students that we Korean students spent lot of time to be look nicely,wearing high heal and short skirt bring nice back which is too small to put books ( so they are bringing books using other hand even if they have bag)

When walking on the street or going on bus station and subway in Korea, you can easily find a lots of plastic surgery advertisements.

Many people emphasis being pretty and looking good. 

But most things is just for showing to others.

I have experienced mind changing since came to America.

There are lot's people came from different site and country and diverse cultures and races in USA.

They have different hair colors and eyes color, skin color.

It was most interesting to me when I first came to America so sometimes (it might be sounds little strange) it was so fun looking people's eyes colors. Because most Korans only black or dark brown eyes and hair color.

I am not sure but that is the reason many Korean girls want to change their eye color using color lens for beauty.

We don't like own natural beauty and are going to unified standard which people have made for looking like beauty of the west people. 

I didn't know loving me. 

It have been breaking to thinking that I should be looking good since came to America. I don't want to compare with American but it's true that American know how love them for themselves. 

I was decorating christmas socks couple days ago. My American friend tried to take picture of me, I said 'don't taking picture me. I have big acne in my cheek.' But he said 'that's your one part of your beauty.' 

Woww.. I was so impressive as his that saying.

Now, I do not make up anymore for hiding my complex.

and do not making me hard for dieting. (just trying to maintain body balance)

I am so happy. Because of knowing even if I am not trying to be looking good, still I am beautiful and pretty. 

I love me.

 I

Action ministries

Hi! it's first writing about my working. I wrote this for sending to Korea family and friends but still hesitate to write in English. However! who cares if my English is good or not? Just enjoy it!
I work at Action ministries as volunteer. There's some programs that Action ministries are doing like lunch service for homeless and low-income women and children and 'After school program'. 
Here's more information about these programs ↓

When first started working at here, It was not easy. Even if conversation is really important, I had a difficulty in speaking in English and also the southern accent was especially too hard to get it. Some woman asked me taking 'ketchup' but I didn't get what she wanted so I made her upset. Besides, some people deal with me me like waitress in restaurant! They call me using finger and ask "Give me some water" or just say "drink!". Oh my God...  even I didn't understand exactly what they are saying, I could recognize they are rude. I was so embarrassed and sad as some people's rude attitude. I had prayed alot for this and tried to smiling to them although my feeling is not good. Did it due to that pray? Now, they do not being rude. They call me my name ( it's amazing! Because my name is hard to remember to them!) and first say 'hello, Good morning' It might seem to be not big but I truly thanks.  
And sometimes  I play the piano while they are having lunch for some person's birthday or for singing together. And also, I teach playing piano homeless woman for ten minutes every day. Actually I am not sure if she can get my tutoring well but I'm so glad I can help to her. 
The time when Everything is nerves and scaring was passed and now, I almost adjust to my working and American life. At first when I came to Atlanta, I was sick because of being stressed. I thought I can do very well if go to here but it was not easy than I thought. I cried every night and have prayed to God. "Lord, please give me the power to get over and ear to listen their saying and mouth to tell my thinking." 
Even I feel so hard and depressed in the dark, God is always watching me and give me the wisdom to overcome suffering. I thanks to God for letting me meet great people through and interact to with them. 

My first 21th birthday in America

It is almost three month since I came to America as YAV. 

I remember when first came to Atlanta. Everything was new and felt awkward. 

Well still remain these but almost adjust to new living life and my working.

I really thanks to God and my YAV friends, Justin, Ian, cordinator Tonya and the people who work with Action ministries.

This is God's bless to meet them. 

today is my 21th birthday! 

Actually I'm 22 years old in Korea ( it's different age standard).

my friend said, you would feel sketched if go back to Korea and get 23th birthday suddenly haha. 

My friends wated till 12:00 and then they congratuated me as soon as the day is changed. and drank vodca... Eww... too strong...!

This is just one of part memorizes but I really like this. I'll never forget it. 

I'm so thanks to my parents in Korea and my buddies who not forgetting my birthday and congratuated me. 

10월 기도편지

안녕하세요 애틀랜타 YAV 정지혜입니다. 미국에 온지도 벌써 한달 반이라는 시간이 지났네요 모든 것이 새롭고 신기해 보이기만 하던 단계는 지나가고 조금씩 이 낯선 미국땅에 적응을 하고 있습니다. 많은 분들이 궁금해 하시는 것을 간단히 골라보면 ‘제가 미국에서 어떤 사역을 하고 있는지’, ‘언어나 문화 차이 때문에 생기는 갈등은 없는지’, ‘음식은 잘 맞는지’ 바로 이 세가지가 가장 많은데요 하나씩 제 이야기를 풀어보겠습니다.

 저의 주된 일은 ‘Action Ministries’ 라는 기관에서 점심 식사를 제공하는 것을 도와주는 것인데요 그 대상자들은 여성들이고 대부분의 사람들이 노숙자이거나 낮은 임금으로 생계를 이어가는 분들 이에요. 오전 11시가 되기도 전에 많은 분들이 문 앞에서 줄을 서서 식사를 기다리는데 어떤 분들에겐 그 점심시간이 하루의 첫끼이자 마지막 식사일 수도 있는 시간이에요. 그 기관은 대부분 기부를 통해서 운영이 되는데요 매일 다른 봉사자들이 식사를 준비하고 음식과 음료를 여성분들에게 서빙을 하는데 일손이 많이 부족할 때가 많아 시간이 어떻게 지나가는지 모를 정도로 바쁠때가 많아요 처음 일을 시작할 때는 허둥지둥 정신이 없었는데 이제는 어떻게 해야 효율적인지를 고민하고, 또 처음 오는 봉사자들에게 어떻게 진행이 되는지 설명해 줄 정도로 적응을 잘 한 상태에요. 그리고 두 번째로 점심 서빙이 끝난 후에 ‘After school program’ (방과후 수업)을 지도하는 일을 하고 있어요 학생들은 총 14명이고 유치원생부터 5학년까지 있어요 학생 대부분의 부모님은 저임금 노동자 이고 정부에서 생활 보조를 받는 분들이에요 아무래도 생계가 힘들다 보니 아이들의 교육에는 무관심하고 아이들을 TV앞에 방치하는 분들이 많아요. 특히 글을 읽을 줄 모르는 부모님에게서 자라는 아이들은 다른 아이들에 비해 배우는 것이 더디고 잘 따라가지 못할 때가 많아 조금이라도 부모님들에게 아이들과 함께하는 시간을 가지고 함께 책 읽는 것을 권할려고 많이 노력 하고 있는 중입니다. 저는 주로 유치원생과 저학년 아이들을 지도하는 일을 하고 있어요 아이들이 한국 나이로 5~6살 정도 되는데 아직 어리다보니 매일 하루도 빠짐없이 우는데 처음에는 아이들이 울때마다 안절부절 당황했었지만 이제는 어떻게 하면 알기 때문에 그런 상황이 와도 잘 넘어가고 있습니다. 세 번째로 제가 하는 일은 “Emmaus House” 라는 기관에서 학생들에게 Art 수업을 하는 것입니다. 매주 토요일마다 아이들에게 창의력 향상과 자기 계발을 목적으로 Art 수업을 하는데 학생들이 직접 나무를 잘라 탁자를 만들거나 천연 염색하기, 신문지를 이용한 등만들기, 실을 이용한 공예나 구슬을 끼워 팔찌나 목걸이를 만드는 비즈공예 같은 수업을 하고 있어요. 매주 다른 내용의 수업을 하고 건물에 여러 공간이 나뉘어져 있는데 학생들이 직접 무슨 체험을 할건지 고를 수가 있어요 저는 주로 가위나 풀, 실, 비즈를 이용한 수업을 하고 있어요.

그리고 이건 제 공식적인 일은 아니지만 ‘Mercy Church’에서 매주 월,목,금요일마다 거리에 나가 노숙자들에게 점심식사를 나눠주는 것을 도와주고 있어요 점심을 나눠주는 특정 장소가 두군데가 있어요 노숙자들이 일거리를 구하느라 많이 모여있는데 그곳에서 그분들에게 점심을 나눠주고 함께 점심을 먹으면서 이야기를 나누고 해요.

부모님과 통화 할때마다 제 부모님이 저한테 항상 물어보는 것이 ‘의사소통은 되나?’에요 아무래도 딸이 미국인들이랑 생활하는데 힘들지는 않은지 궁금하신거겠죠. 결론만 말하면 ‘YES or No’에요. 사람 사는데는 다 똑같고 살아 갈려면 말은 무조건 해야 되니까 싫어도, 힘들어도 말을 해야되더라고요. 미국에 처음 왔을 때는 영어가 듣기도 싫어서 방에 들어가 있었는데 물을 마실려고 거실에 나오면 만나는게 미국 친구들이니까 어쩔수 없이 대화를 해야 되는 상황이 와요. 그래도 이러한 상황 덕분에 좀 더 빨리 적응하고 귀가 트이는거 같아요. 애틀랜타에 처음 오고 한주가 지났을 때는 정말 언어가 안되는거에 너무 스트레스를 받아서 온몸이 저릴 정도로 아팠어요 매일 밤마다 하나님께 울면서 제발 저한테 열린 귀와 열린 입을 달라고 기도 하고 예상은 했었지만 많이 힘들더라고요. 미국 온지 한달 반이 지난 지금은 주변 사람들 말론, 이야기 하는데 많이 편해진게 느껴진다고 해요. 어제 캘리포니아에 사는 친구랑 통화를 했었는데 그 친구가 하는 말이 처음에 저랑 이야기 할 때 제가 바로 못 알아 들어서 여러 번 물어보고 그 친구도 일부러 말을 천천히 하고 했는데 지금은 대화가 많이 자연스러워졌다고 해요. 정말 제 기도빨 하나는 최고네요 하나님 감사합니다.

애틀랜타에 와서 정말 놀랬던게 남부 특성상 이곳의 대부분 사람들이 흑인이에요. 그리고 특유의 사투리 ‘southern accent’를 쓰는데 분명 아는 단어인데도 못 알아 들을 때가 많아요 제가 일하면서 만나는 노숙자, 저임금 노동자, After school program의 아이들도 모두 흑인이고 ‘southern accent’를 사용해요 대화 할 때 마다 엄청 집중을 해야 겨우 알아듣고 그마저도 모를 때는 여러 번 물어봐야 의사가 통할 때가 대부분이에요. 하루종일 온 정신을 집중하다 보니 금방 피곤해지고 집에 돌아오면 바로 자야 다음날에 겨우 일어날수가 있어요.

미국에 와서 참 인상적인 것이 많은데 그 중 하나가 길을 건널 때는 항상 보행자가 차보다 우선시 된다는 거에요. 한국에서는 차가 지나갈 때마다 비켜줬던게 일반적이었는데 이곳에서는 운전자가 먼저 지나가라고 손짓하고 기다리더라고요. 또 가장 인상적인게 이곳에는 휠체어를 탄 사람이 정말 많은데 버스를 탈 때 휠체어가 버스에 올라올 수 있도록 차체를 내릴 수 있고 항상 버스에는 장애인석이 마련되어 있다는 거에요. 지하철을 탈 때나 다른 건물을 이용 할때도 항상 장애우들을 위한 화장실, 엘리베이터가 있는게 참 인상적이에요. 물론 한국에도 장애우를 위한 버스나 화장실, 엘리베이터가 다 있지만 한번도 장애우들이 제대로 쓰는 것을 못 봤던 거 같아요 미국인들은 당연하게 생각하는 복지가 한국에서도 잘 실현됐으면 바램이 커요.

그리고 ‘미’에 대한 기준에 대해서 다시 생각하게 되었어요. 한국에서 지내면서 저는 한번도 제가 날씬하거나 예쁘다고 생각해 본적이 없었어요. 항상 화장을 하고 옷도 세련되게 제 또래의 20대 여성들이 입는 것처럼 입고 음식을 먹을 때마다 살찔 것을 고민하고 매일 다이어트를 했었어요 저는 그게 당연했어요 왜냐하면 모든 사람이 다 그랬으니까요. 그런데 참 아이러니하게도 미국에 오니 여기서는 제가 제일 날씬해요. 그리고 여기에서 ‘나 살쪘지? 다이어트 해야 되는데’라고 들어본 적이 한번도 없어요. 한국에서는 친구들을 만나면 하는 소리가 맨날 그거였는데 말이에요. 여기선 자신의 몸매가 어떻건 다른 사람의 몸매가 어떻건 신경쓰지 않고 식사를 할 때도 음식을 정말 맛있게 먹고 그 시간을 즐겨요. 누가 어떤 옷을 입든 무슨 머리색을 하든 양말을 짝짝이로 신든 바지를 팬티가 다 보이게 내려서 입든 정말 누구도 뭐라하거나 신경쓰지 않아요. 한국에서는 얼굴은 하얘야 되고 몸매는 가슴은 풍성하되 다른 곳은 말라야 되고 얼굴은 눈에는 쌍커풀있고 코는 오똑하고 얼굴형은 갸름해야되고 옷은 신경쓰되 신경쓰지 않은척 자연스럽게 보여야 되고 ‘미’의 기준이 획일화 되어있고 많은 사람들이 그렇게 할려고 많은 시간을 투자하고 주변사람들을 의식해요. 저도 마찬가지였어요 언제나 정성들인 화장과 머리를 하고 여러 번 옷을 갈아입고 벗었다를 반복했었어요 그런데 여기에서 지내다 보니 사람들의 피부색, 머리색, 눈 색깔, 얼굴 생김새, 몸의 체형 하나하나가 다 다양해요. 애써 본인의 피부색을 하얗게 할려고 하거나 서클렌즈로 눈 색깔을 바꾸고 염색을 하는 사람은 드물어요. 1년치 화장할거 바리바리 싸온것들 지금은 책상 구석에 고이 모셔놓고 맨 얼굴로 지내고 있어요. 정말 한국에서는 제 맨얼굴을 본사람은 극히 드물었는데 말이죠. 제가 애써 화장으로 예쁘게 보이거나 화려하게 옷을 입지 않아도 저는 이제 알겠더라고요 저 자체만으로도 예쁘다는걸. 그리고 웃으면 더 예뻐 보인다는 것도요.

친구들이 가장 많이 물어보는게 미국에서 뭐먹고 사냐는 건데요. 여기서 제가 주로 먹는건 ‘빵, 시리얼, 과일, 샐러드, 피자, 치킨’이에요. 저는 여기서 저를 포함한 4명의 야브들이랑 사는데 매주 일주일에 한번씩 돌아가면서 요리를 해요. 다행히 미국음식들이 입맛에 맞고 같이 사는 친구들도 요리를 잘해서 크게 힘든 것은 없어요. 애틀랜타에 와서 한인마트에 딱 한번 가봤는데 거리가 멀어서 자주 못 가고 있어요. 일반 미국 마트에서 신라면이랑 너구리 같은거 가끔 두세개씩 사와서 먹는데 같이 사는 친구들이 한국 라면맛을 알아버려서 며칠을 못가네요. 아, 정말 된장찌개가 너무 먹고 싶어요. 두부랑 청양고추 팍팍 넣은거. 하지만 가끔 한국음식이 그리운거 빼고는 음식 먹는데 큰 무리는 없어요 다만, 제가 단 걸 별로 안 좋아하는데 여기 초콜릿이랑 오레오는 제 입맛도 바꿔버릴 정도로 맛있어요. 그래도 되도록 채소랑 과일을 많이 먹을려고 노력중인데 쉽지 않네요.

애틀랜타에 와서 정말 많은 것들을 경험하고 있어요. 휴학하고 6개월 동안 일하는 동안 정말 내가 미국에 가는 날이 오긴올까 했는데 벌써 시간이 한달반이나 지났네요. 어정쩡하게 시간 안보내게 정신 바짝 차리고 매일 하루하루 알차게 살겠습니다. 다음 편지에는 제가 일하는 Action Ministries와 Emmause House에서 노숙자들과 아이들을 보고 뭘 느끼고, 배웠는지에 대해서 쓰겠씁니다. 긴 글 읽어주셔서 너무 감사하고 주님의 사랑이 언제 가득 하길 그리고 가정에 주님의 평강이 있길 기도합니다.

Peace,

                                                               12^th October, 2014.

From. Jihye Chung, Atlanta